Farewell my 司马光

司马光 was playing with his friends one day and one of his friends fell into a large tank filled with water accidentally. As the tank was taller than all the children, no one was able to rescue the kid who fell into it.

Just when many of the kids were panicking, 司马光 had the composure and calmness and wit to figure out a way to rescue his friend.

He picked a large rock in the bushes, and smashed the tank on its side. The water flowed out and the kid who almost drowned was saved.

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This famous story of 司马光 was in my chinese moral education book when I was in primary school. It taught all young children the values of bravery, resourcefulness and courage.

If one were to do search on the internet for 司马光, he'd find that 司马光 was a very learned and witty scholar who served as an important government official when he grew up. He is synonymous with justice, courage and great intellect.

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This name, 司马光, meant much more to me... My youngest uncle's (arguably my favourite and most respected one) nickname is 司马光... He has just passed away on 3 May 2006...






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This nickname, 司马光, was given to him by his relatives and friends when he was a little boy. It's most appropriate as he was the smartest kids in the village back in Lorong Ah Soo. He was boy whose wittiness and resourcefulness surpassed that of many others of his age. He'd think of ways of doing things differently from the others.

He's just 13 years older than me... My parents are the eldest in their family, and they got married in their mid-twenties... After I was born, it'd be another 10 years before I had any cousins around me as all my uncles and aunties were much younger than my parents.

So I spent my childhood playing with adults and had no other children, apart from my younger sister, around me...

Over the years, I've learnt a great deal from uncle 司马光... ... ...

- he was a basketball player in his younger days... I remember watching him play in the community centre he represented... and I played basketball because of that...

- he was the person who introduced photography to me... If not for him, I'd never known that I had the ability to 'see' through the lens... I've never quite understood the nitty gritty of aperture and shutter speed back then... but I knew I had the ability to see a good composition...

- he was the one who introduced classical music to me... 梁祝 was the tune that I heard... till now, it is still the most hauntingly beautiful chinese classical tune that I've ever heard...

- he is the living example of what "lifelong learning" is all about. He doesn't have any fantastic qualifications to boast about. All my uncles and aunties merely completed their secondary education due to their poor family background. Uncle 司马光 went on to get a vocational certificate for air-con maintenance and he set up his own air-con maintenance business after a few years of experience. He realised after a while that he needed to keep up with times and keep his business records computerised. And he went on to learn how to assemble a computer and learnt how to use softwares such as Excel, File Maker Pro and even Auto Cad... He told me that it was necessary in today's context, and even though he didn't pick all these skills up in school, it didn't matter to him...

- Regardless of how tired he is from his long physical working hours, he'd devote his weekends with his family... He'd bring his wife and kids out for short trips and they'll often go visiting my mum and my other uncle and auntie... I always look forward to them coming over to my place because my cousins are a bundle of joy and it's also the time where I'll share with him some of the things that I've done... And from him, I've come to learn the importance of family bonding...

- he's the first 'boss' that I worked for... during my school holidays when I was in secondary school, I'd tag along with him all over to repair and maintain air-conditions... It was enjoyable and much of my aptitude towards DIY hands-on repair work that I have with me now was due to such kind of exposures...

The list will go on... ... ... ... ... I owe a large part of who I am today to him... I found a lot of answers from him when I was still young and inquisitive as I didn't have any other senior peers around me then...

And I always feel very gratified of the role he plays in my life... He'll be the first person in my family whom I'll show my photographs to... He brought me along for a firework display in the 80s... He showed me how to shoot fireworks... And when I finally was able to do so myself a couple of years ago on my digital camera, he was the first one I showed my results to...

He'd always be very keen to know some of the things that I did... trekking to Nepal, my overseas photograhy trips, my sky diving etc... I could sense that if he was young again, he'd want to do the same too...

After my graduation from NTU, he brought his family along to NTU and I showed them around the beautiful campus where I finished my university education... on the surface, it looked like any family outing... but deep down, it represented his believe in life-long education... I hope my cousins who were little then, understood and appreciates what he had done...

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What pulled my heartstrings most recently has been the fact that even though he fell victim to a horrible cancer of the liver, I still am learning from him every minute of his final moments...

I've come to realise how swift and voracious the liver cancer can take one's life... Everything happened within exactly one month - from the first real visible symptom of the disease, to the final deterioration of the entire body... It was extremly painful to watch him in his last days...

Despite suffering in excrutiating pain, uncle 司马光 still manage some humour whenever we visit him in the hospital... I could tell it's a struggle to even stay awake, but he made the effort...

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From the moment I got to know that it was the advanced stage of the liver cancer, I was in a state of disbelieve for a while... I fought back my tears on numerous occassions... I told myself that no one will see me cry... I felt that this shocking news has rocked my family and I musn't display any signs of break down so that everyone still can move on and come to terms with his illness...

Even at his funeral wake, I suppressed my tears... I told myself I mustn't cry in front of my younger cousins who are still quite young to make too much sense out of it all...

But on the day of his cremation... I could suppress no longer... All the images of my times with him came flooding back... the moment it started, I broke down completely... No way back to suppress my tears anymore... one month of holding back my tears...

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I'm humbled... there's really nothing in this lifetime that's predictable... you either life your life well, or you don't...

On hindsight, I'm really gratified that I've learnt so much from uncle 司马光 all these years...

The thing that I have not come to terms with is that I've not repaid or even thanked him properly... and he'd leave so suddenly...

It has brought new meaning to 'not take anything for granted'... Lessons are learnt about this horrible disease... my entire family will move on becoming more conscious of our health...

And it's also a reminder that I have a similar time bomb ticking in my body now...

Farewell my 司马光... RIP...